I am sorry it has taken me so long to write up about my trip to GA over Yom Kippur. Things in my life are crazy to say the least. And many people think that those of us who are disabled live a boring life. I am going to post a link on how the Messianic's see and celebrate Yom Kippur. Please understand that I do not feel that by doing these rituals are what atones me from my sin. I know that it is the blood of Yeshua that atones for all my sin. But to participate in my first Yom Kippur was such a spiritual thing for me as I imagined our Lord Yeshua doing the very things to please his Father YHWH. YHWH has brought me on a personal journey the last few years of worshiping him in spirit and in truth and not just following in the traditions of man. Please understand that for those who choose to continue to celebrate the holidays they are celebrating, I do not judge you. But I feel it is important to share what I believe the Father has put on my heart and in my spirit. So I am not here to say I have the truth and you do not. This has been a journey that even in the begining I fought with everything in me not to walk in. But the more I walk it, the more I feel blessed and know that I am pleasing the Father. And that is not to say that my friends who serve YHWH in the way that they feel they have been led, are wrong. Let's face it, none of us really know the whole truth as we were not there thousands of years ago. And I have said this to many. I have been involved in many different religions as well as some I consider cults, as well as being a pagan, involved in Satanism and many others. The reason I believe that what I believe in today as to be the truth, is that it is the only faith that I have embraced that made such a drastic change in my life. And that is why I believe it to be the truth. My life is evident of the power of Ruach HaKodesh (The Holy Spirit), as well as the power of YHWH and Yeshua himself. And that is how I know my life has been changed. Here is the link about Yom Kippur:
I was not able to fast for the whole 24 hours because of health reasons. And I am glad that the place I was at celebrating this Jewish Holy Day, that they were not legalistic in their ways to expect me to. But walking in the ways of my Savior and Lord Yeshua and celebrating this Holy day as I know he did to honor his Father, brought me that much closer to him. I arrived in GA on Friday the 13th. And I have to say, it was the best Friday the 13th I have ever had, even though it was very emotional. I met my son's dad and his step-mom. We hugged and talked for a bit. Then it was time to empty my truck of my son's things. I became very emotional and started crying as we were doing this. And my son's step-mom came over and started to comfort me. Here was a woman I hurt deeply holding me and letting me know that I was going to be ok. After all was said and done and I got the info on when the service would start that night, I headed to the motel so I could rest some. A lady who works at the Home Town Suites in Columbus, GA also attends Kehilat Emet the Messianic Temple my sons's dad is Rabbi over.
She arranged for me to stay there at no cost to myself. If you are ever in that area, please visit the Home Town Suites.
http://www.reservationcounter.com/hotels/show/313598/home-towne-suites-columbus/?TID=sNFtU1vRE_dc|pcrid|22879159994&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=home-towne%20suites%20columbus%20ga&utm_campaign=New%20Additions%203-28-13&mm_campaign=61e23501c3a7666376c173fa44c75e69&keyword=home-towne%20suites%20columbus%20ga&hotelid=313598
I got some rest and met everyone at the Temple for the start of the fast. I have to say that I actually did pretty well considering my health. I stuck to water all the time as well as crackers and banana's when I felt nauseous. And that helped me till the following day when we broke fast. One thing stuck with me concerning all the reading we did and I did not take it in the way to feel quilty, but in acknowleding my sin and repending of it. And that was concerning my son who passed in 2002. I bought a book called Messianic High Holiday so I could keep up with the Holy days of celebrating and honoring YHWH with it. On page 160 it is titled: Breaking Generational Curses. I will post what it says: Our God and God of our fathers, Deuteronomy 30:19 says that You set before us life and death, blessing and cursing, and that we must choose life if we and our future generations are to live. We know that Satan can operate in any area of darkness that we still allow in our lives. Exodus 20:5 and 34:7 say that if we worship other gods, even the third and fourth generation may suffer because we have turned away from You. Perhaps there are people in my life that have opened doors for curses to be placed upon me, to which I need to apply the blood of Yeshua to break these curses. Perhaps the propensity in my family for certain medical problems is a result of generational curses, (I know that is not the case with my health, as I have the military to blame) and is not "physiological" or "genetic" in origin - areas which You are in control anyway. It is up to me to make sure that Satan doesn't gain access to the next generation, (I have no more children, so this will not happen) as the blood of Yeshua will make him stop here, now. I will stand up and fight. If Yeshua died to release me from all sickness, opression, and poverty, I will no longer sit back and allow the enemy to take any more ground from me. (This is why even with the cancer, I know I will not leave this earth one second before YHWH's job with me on this earth is done.) Release in me today Your power and weaponry. Revelation 12:11 says that Satan is overcome by the blood of the Lamb, the word of our testimony, and loving not our lives unto death. I now apply the blood of Yeshua with hyssop, or faith, and the enemy must now "pass over" me. The things which I speak, my testimony, will be positive, not negative, about victory over defeat, about strength over weakness. My testimony will rebuke the sin that surrounds me, and not allow myself or my children to be attached to areas of darkness by not speaking up. (1 Samuel 3:13) Perhaps others have had an influence on me, or perhaps I have attached myself to areas of darkness that demons can operate in and I have not yet closed all the doors to these powers. I now CONFESS SIN, AND ALL THE NEGATIVITY that I have spoken. I chase away that darkness with light, and break it's power. I REPENT AND TURN AWAY, I CHANGE MY MIND. I will not walk away from You Lord in this area anymore. I will not put myself in the hands of the devil any longer, but voluntarily I will no follow You Lord in these areas of my life. Repentance will be my lifestyle. I will LIVE FOR YOU and keep my deliverance. Your ANNOINTING destroys the yoke. As I live in the light, my anointing will be stronger. I plead the blood of Yeshua for Your anointing to come over me. I release myself under Your anointing, break the yoke in me. I APPLY THE BLOOD od Yeshua knowing that Your blood destroys the cruses I suffer, and now I confess the INIQUITY OF MY FOREFATHERS.......(Leviticus 25:40-42)....in Yeshua's Name......AMEN.
As I was praying that prayer in Temple, I was crying non-stop as I was convicted of the curse that I brought upon my son which eventually caused his death. (Again, I do not say that with oh poor me attitude and feeling sorry for myself or with quilt, as I know because of the repentance, I have been set free from the quilt of this sin.) But it was important to acknowledge it, not only to myself, but to my son's dad as well as to Yeshua. It was important to repent of it, and to seek forgivenss of it. And I cannot tell you what freedom I found as I did that. I cannot tell you what forgiveness flowed from his dad as I asked for his forgiveness. I cannot even begin to tell you what the Father has done in me as a result of seeing this, acknowledging it, and seeking forgiveness. I am no longer yoked to the quilt I felt over my son's death and the things that I was responsible for in his life because of the ways I raised him. And I know in my heart, that I will see him again one day. The next day (Saturday) a few hours before we were to meet at the Temple again to have the service and then break fast, the step mom called me and we talked for a couple of hours. And out of the blue she said to me, Candy, I am sorry that I was not the mother I could have been to your son. Oh, I so lost it as I did not expect her to say that. But Ruach HaKodesh came over me and what came out of my mouth surprised even me, although I knew it to be the truth. I said to her, Marlene, you were a much better mom to my son than I was. Because at least you were trying to raise Leon with morals, values, and responsibility. I was still in my sin and junk and was not living a right life. We both had a good cry. I met them at the Temple and after service we all broke fast and fellowshipped. I am sure that they saw the change in my life and that it was evident that I am no longer the same person that caused them so much pain in the past. And honestly, the pictures and things that I had of my son, are only temporal and do not bring the kind of joy in my life as he did when he was alive and as he will when I see him again. I feel like such a weight was lifted off of me and that restoration was accomplished and healing took place. Also when I arrived I was handed a letter from my son's dad's mom. (Grandma) Here is what she said:
Hi Candy, Thank you for your letter. I'm really thankful that you have turned your life over to the Lord. I do wish I could had more time with Leon. He was such a sweet child. The day before he died, he called me. He sounded so good. He told me that he took a step by himself and that he wanted to come up here to be with us. I told him that I would come after him and he could stay with us for as long as he wanted to. I know that one day soon I'll get to see him again and I rejoice in knowing that. Verylyn (her husband) has already gone home. I want you to know that I don't hold anything against you. I know how you must have felt about Leon. I know the Lord has worked in Vern and Marlene's lives. (dad and step mom) May the Lord bless you. I'm sorry about your illness. In Christ's love, Mary Belle.
When my son passed away, I called her to let her know about his memorial service. She had just gotten over having a brain aneurysm and should have died as the blood was throughout her brain. It did cause her some confusion and everyone showed up a week before son's service. They all worked for the Post Office at that time, (son's dad and uncles) and needed time to all take day off again. So they asked if I would reschedule it for a later date down the road. Because of my own hurt and pain and knowing it was the last bit of control I had concerning my son, out of bitterness I would not change it. So to recieve this letter from her knowing that I had been forgiven was such a release for me and a blessing. I wish I could have seen her in person to ask, as well as to hug her. But that was not possible. All the family is scattered around GA a few hours from each other. But I was able to write letters to each of them asking their forgiveness.
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