I am overwhelmed with how Abba Father is working in my life in every area of it. I want to share one of those area's and so not to embarrass the other party, I will not be mentioning their name. Some of my old friends from way back, will know who I am talking about. They also remember me and how messed I was as well. Those are the ones who will truly know that what is taking place is an absolute example of the unconditional love and grace of our savior Yeshua. I feel so humbled as I know that the way I lived my life, I am so undeserving of the love the Father has bestowed upon me. I cannot share the original message I sent to my sons dad as it was done via the web site of the Messianic Temple that he is a Rabbi of. But I will be sharing the rest of our conversation and will share the gist of what I said to him via the web site to the best of my memory. This is a long read, but well worth it when you see the awesomeness and power of healing when you do what you know the Lord wants you to do. I pray that if at all possible, that those of you who struggle with others in your life, that you are able to find the same healing that I am experiencing right now. Friends, Please do not use your child as a pawn to keep them away from their other parent. Don't allow your hate, bitterness and unforgiveness to cloud your mind or judgment. Because I can tell you for a fact, that it is the child who will suffer and pay the price. Not to mention you as well because of the depth of the bitterness. I am glad that although I was not clearly walking this journey of faith back when my son was sick, I did make amends to him and asked him to forgive me for the pain I caused him and how I used him as a pawn to get even with his dad. Now that is not to say his dad was innocent. But now as a believer, the Lord has showed me with his dad as well as with others in my life, that it is my job to take care of the pain I caused others in my life. It is not my job to point out the wrongs that others did to me. It is the job of the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit).
Ever since I found out I was terminal I have been trying to decide what to do with most of my stuff and where they should go. I really don't have much family left on my dad's side. My dad and his sister. And that side of the family did not know my son with exception to my dad. My birth mothers side of the family is only a couple of people and they are so dysfunctional and have nothing to do with me. As I was seeking the Lord on what to do with my deceased son's stuff, (mostly pictures), the Lord spoke to my heart and told me to give them to his dad. My first reaction was, "Your kidding right?". And I tried so hard to find excuses as to why I could not do this. But deep down, I knew it was the right thing. So I asked Abba Father to give me the strength and the words to share with my sons dad and his wife. Basically I shared with him that I was terminal and I needed to give him pictures of his son. I asked him if they could please get a hold of me and make arrangements with me so I could get them to them. I also let him know that my life was truly changed and that I finally got to a point where I made Yeshua not only my savior but my Lord. I shared with him that I was going to a Messianic Bible study on Saturdays and trying to learn more about the Messianc (Jewish) side of our Lord. But that I was also still going to the same church where my life was transformed 7-8 years ago. And that if he wanted, I would be happy to have some of those in leadership contact him to let him know that this was real and I was not just trying to play head games and do more harm to them. Below is the emails we exchanged.
From them: July 10, 2013
Candy,
Received your e-mail, sorry to hear of your troubles we will keep you in pray. We want to thank you for your offer and would like to take you up on it, If you can send them to this address.
Again thank you for thinking of us
V & M
My response to them: July 10, 2013
M,
Thank you very much. This is second time around with the cancer. I had a double mastectomy and thought it was done with. I had two types and the one metastasized. There is no cure even with the homeopathics I have been using. They wanted to do surgery, but said it would keep coming back and would only bide me a few months. I have chosen to not do surgery and just live my life the best that I can. I know where my eternity is going to be spent so I am not afraid to die. The last 7 years have been a change for me and I can honestly say it has been the best time of my life. So I am blessed. I am trying to get some friends to come over while I still have the strength to go through all my stuff. There is probably at least 3-4 plastic containers of stuff having to do with Leon. Pictures and whatnot. So mailing them will not be feasible for me. If you can give me an ideal down the road what the working hours are at the Temple, I can have a friend bring me that way and I will drop them off. I would rather have V and his side of the family have these things as there is not many left in my family anyways. The few in my family that are still alive are on my dads side and they did not know Leon anyways.....most everyone on both sides of my family has passed. I was gonna visit a Temple on one of my trips to GA a while back called Beth Yeshua International, but never made it there. I do go to a Messianic Bible study in Williston when I am well enough. Most of them use to go to the Kol Simcha here in Gainesville. And we all had issues with that place, especially when there was a split. If we go in the morning, they live stream Beth Yeshua. And then around 1 pm we have our own Bible Study. I am not sure if I have said anything in the past or not because of my memory issues, but I wanted to say I am sorry for whatever pain I caused V in my life as well as with you. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I will be in touch with you and let you know when I have someone to help me go through this stuff so I can pack away the stuff for you all. Blessings to you both and Shalom, Candy
13 days I had not heard back from them, so I again sent them another email. July 23, 2013
M,
I have a friend coming over tomorrow and hoping to get as much as possible done tomorrow with gathering everything I have concerning Leon. I plan on giving my dad one picture and maybe picking one picture I like. Not sure I can work out getting up your way till sometime in September as I am taking a trip on the first of August to go therapeutic horse back riding and going to the beach with some friends so they can help me in and out of the water. I will let you know ahead of time, before I head that way, as I want to make sure it works with your schedule as well as V's. Or the hours of the Temple. Thank you and Shalom, Candy
( I have to say that Abba Father put it in my heart to bring them stuff up to them Sept 13th as that is Yom Kippur which is the Day of Atonement)
From them: July 23, 2013 (This was from my sons dad)
Candy,
I'm sorry to hear about what has befallen you, I stop the services Friday night and asked the congregation to start praying for you as Yeshua is still in the healing business.
Now comes the time to answer your request from the first e-mail, as far as forgiving you, there really is nothing to forgive, We were both young and did a lot of stupid stuff so I guess we can both ask each other for forgiveness so in turn I ask you to forgive me if I hurt you in any way. I'm glad you found Yeshua, I know that has to be a great comfort at a time like this, He does hear our prays all the time. I have spoken to some of the other Rabbi's and they will start praying for you as well. There is always hope.
Now I want to say thank you for thinking of me regarding Leon's stuff and I would love to have anything you choose to give. We meet on Friday night from 7:30 P.M. to some times after 11:00 P.M. we would like to have you visit if you can.I am the Rabbi of the congregation and we belong to the MJAA & IAMCS.
Sincerely
Rabbi V
My response to them: July 23, 2013
V,
Abba Father in my prayers told me to be responsible for the hurt I have caused to others in my life and not to worry about those that have hurt me. That is why I asked for forgiveness. I used our son Leon as a pawn to hurt you as well as your family. For that I am sorry. I was not faithful in my marriage to you and caused much hurt and pain. For that I am sorry. Leon and I were able to talk prior to his death and I also asked him to forgive me. I know in my heart that I will see him again. And I can share with you another time the conversation we had before he even knew he was gonna die. I believe he finally got it. I know I did so much to both you and Leon as well as my second husband. I really did not get this walk till about 7-8 years ago. I cannot begin to tell you all that he has gone in my life. And how full my life is today because of it. I am really at peace about what is happening as I know I will spend eternity in such an awesome place with such an awesome Messiah and Father. The containers are heavy and therefore would cost way too much to mail. So when it is time, I will call the Temple and make arrangements to have friend bring me there. I harmed you in so many ways using Leon to do that. The least I can do, is leave the pictures with you and your family. I spent much time in prayer asking the Father what to do with them. His response was to contact you and Marlene and turn them over to you. I do not have a scanner, so I am taking pictures on my cell phone of the pictures. I know I cannot get all of them. But I pray you will find joy in some of the things that you missed out on with Leon. Like his trip to Europe. There may be pictures in there that you do not want because they are not godly. It is up to you to decide what to do with them. His year books from Sar-Shalom are in there also. There may be things that I have given him, but I want you to have them as they were his. And you can pass them on to who you want. I have a pictures and videos of his funeral which was done in a Christian Community in NY where they have him painted on a mural in the dining room as his life touched many people. I want to take care of this while I still am able body and have the strength to do it rather than wait and find out it is too late and have the pictures thrown away. So I pray it will bring you and M and the rest of the family much joy. Thank you for you willingness to ask for forgiveness as well. If I would have submitted to Yeshua in the right way, I would have let you be the man of the home. I failed you, but most of all I failed the Father in Heaven. I do not say that to feel guilty, but to own up to my own sins. Thank you for your forgiveness and I pray it is the same with Marlene. You found a very Biblical wife and you should feel honored. I also want to thank you for all you did to try and help me and rescue me from the darkness I was subjected to in my life through my family. I am live alone now and can only do so much. So it may take till September or October to get this to you. Hopefully it will be at a time during one of the Jewish Holy Days. Maybe Sept 14th which is Yom Kippur Day of Atonement. I have not celebrated that one yet. As I said I do not go to a Temple as there was a split and I did not feel welcome there with all my tattoos and the way I look. So I can to a Bible study in a persons home on the Sabbath. And we live stream Beth Yeshua International. And in the afternoon we do our own Bible study. I still go to the church that I started at 7-8 years ago when my life really changed. And they are supportive of my Messianic way of living. We have been through so much, and I know they love me dearly. And they really live by 1 John 3:18 - Children, let us love not with words and talk, but with actions and in reality! I can only pray that my life the last years have been an example of that verse and have planted seeds of the love of the Messiah. I will be in touch with you and Marlene when I am all done to make arrangements for what works best for you two according to your schedule. Thank you and Shalom, Candy
From them: July 24, 2013
Candy,
I want to give you our home phone number and M's office number because there is no one at the Temple to answer your call as we said we only meet on Friday night so here goes.
000-000-0000 M's office
(You really didn't thinks I would make their number public did you? LOL)
000-000-0000 Our home
Please know that you are forgiven from this end by both of us
Sincerely
V
I have not responded back to them as I am so overwhelmed and humbled that I cannot stop the tears from flowing. It has taken me two hours just to write this up so I could share the awesomeness of how Abba Father is working in all of our lives concerning my son.
I did recieve a phone call from my sons dad and we spent a couple of hours on the phone. One thing he did say to me, was the best thing that happened to us, was me giving him such a beautiful son. Before I knew I was in tears. There was much healing during our talk.
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