Can I Live Again

For those who have known me for a number of years and have seen what I have had to walk through, I am sure you will understand what I am about to share. About a year and half ago, I was told I may have one year to live as the breast cancer came back after having a bilateral masectomy. When I had my next appointment with the cancer doctor at the VA, I took my friend Adrienne Comer with me and she remembered the doctor telling me things that I could not remember because of my TBI and early onset alzheimers. And I was advised to call hospice asap. Which I did. Then the VA doctor back peddled about the my illness and after almost two months of hospice, they discharged me. Thankfully my friend who is a doctor took it upon himself to advocate for me. (Something I would suggest all those who say they support our troops do, as you have no ideal what it is like to go thorugh the VA system and how bad you can be treated.) My doctor friend went with me to my primary care appointment and advocated for me to see an outside oncologist and gave her the name of one he trusted. So today I went and saw him. And I do have to say that I like him. And he tolerated my being a bit warped. So he told me something that I found hard to digest. He told me that I could live the next 10 years or longer. I have been planning my funeral for the past year. I have come to the terms that I was dying. And in doing so, I choose to get rid of a lot of things as I downsized and prepared for my time. (And no, I do not want those things back) I lost all hope that I had for the last 7-8 years. And honestly, I really cannot fathom the ideal of trying to live again. I have experienced so much loss in the last couple of years, besides the things I lost prior to that. Soldier Hard's song comes to mind. "Can I Live Again".( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lto5ADu_QM ) And right now all I want to do is scream. So that being said, I am asking my friends who pray, to pray and ask the Father to bring that hope and willingness to live back into my life. I can so relate to not knowing what is real anymore. I have been sitting here crying for the last 15 minutes just trying to take all this in. Not understanding why the VA system would put a veteran through this kind of crap. How do you go from being told you only have so long to live., being told to call hospice asap, having hospice admit you for almost two months, then discharge you, and then your being told you could have a long time to live? How do you go back to living, when your mentality has been on preparing for your death? I will have a PET scan done on the 24th and he wants to do a bone scan and look into what the nodules on the lungs and where they are at. Possible surgery to remove the lump and taking anti-hormonal blockers which I will look into the homeopatic ways of how to treat that. I have a friend who is an ARNP coming over on Sat. to talk to me about those things. But in the meantime, I need prayers for YHWH to bring back that hope and help me to learn to live again.