For over 20 years I have fought to be taken seriously about my health. I joined the Army at the age of 29 and in great health for the first time. I had a 9 year old son at the time and was separated from my husband at the time. I went into the military at that age as I wanted to go back to school for nursing and the military offered the GI Bill to pay for the schooling. At that time I had already had a degree in the Printing/Graphic Arts and worked most of my life in that field. Years later, I became a Certified Nursing Assistant, (CNA) and found that I loved working nursing and wanted to go back to school to become an RN. But there was not grants or scholarships easily available back then as there are now. So a friend who was in the Navy, suggested I go into the military as I could pay into the GI Bill and it would afford me the opportunity to get my college education for that field. I was so patriotic back then and believed in my Country and was willing to sacrifice serving my Country in exchange for my education. I became sick while still in training at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. I was hospitalized right after getting shots, for about 3-4 days. I still finished my training and then went to Fort Jackson, SC to receive more shots and prepare for being deployed. I would break out with rashes and fevers in the beginning. And as time would go on, there would be more health issues. As I was deployed, I was raped by my fellow driving buddy and that was covered up or I was blackmailed with charges myself. After falling from a 5 ton truck while being forced to the ER, I ended up with a right radial head fracture in my right elbow as well as TBI. The fracture in my arm was my ticket out of the war as I could not get my gas mask on. I tried again when I got back to the States to press charges against the guy who raped me. Again I was blacked mailed with charges myself if I followed through. My life started to spiral downhill as I continue to get sicker. This is to include petit mal seizures. Eventually I was discharged from the military with 60% disablity. At no time was I ever seen for the TBI or was it taken seriously. After a year of fighting for VA disability, I was given 100% service connection, total and permanent for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as right radial head arthritis. And I have been fighting ever since for proper treatment of the TBI and other health issues. Here is a note I did in reference to the cancer and how that was dealt with.
I have for years spoken to people about the importance of being an advocate for Veterans. The VA frankly does not really care about the Veteran. That is the plain truth. But when civilian people take a step and go with the Veteran on their appointments and help advocate for them, especially to advocate for those who have a brain injury or even PTSD, it makes a difference in the life of the Veteran, as the VA does not want to look non caring to the others around. I have tired to get that message across to those in the church with little success. A friend asked me today on the phone, how could she make a difference. I told her, she could approach her pastor or leader in the church and ask him to make an announcement about having a meeting for Veterans and those who support them. And at that meeting, let them know you want to support them more than twice a year by waving a flag and telling a Veteran thank you. But that you want to really know what it is they need support in. If you take the time to ask a Veteran what it is you can do for them, they will tell you. But please be willing to do it. Most of this journey I have and continue to fight this journey alone. A couple of people have stepped up to the plate and went on a couple of appointments with me. But for now, my journey is through. I am tired and cannot do this alone. Many people say to me, you cannot give up. I do not look at it as giving up, but rather I see it as letting go. And it has not been easy to come to this point. But I realized I cannot do this alone anymore. So please keep your judgments to yourself, as you do not walk in my shoes and you have no ideal what I am walking through and how hard it is, nor or you willing to walk this walk with me. So my choice in letting go, is because I no longer have the strength to do this. I can no longer keep fighting this battle on my own. And it is obvious to be, that no one else is willing to help me keep up this fight. And I am tired, worn out and very depressed about where this nation is, as well as where the body of Christ is when it comes to this matter. 1 John 3:16-18 says: 16 The way that we have come to know love is through his having laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers! 17 If someone has worldly possessions and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how can he be loving God? 18 Children, let us love not with words and talk, but with actions and in reality! That means action. Galatians 6:2 also says: Bear one another’s burdens — in this way you will be fulfilling theTorah’s true meaning, which the Messiah upholds. What is the purpose of church if we cannot bear one another's burdens? If all we do is say, I will pray for you brother or sister, and yet have the ability to take the time and show actions on each others part, that we truly do care for a person. This is why I left the church. Not only the non denominational church, but the Messianic as well. I choose to have my faith in the quietness of my home. I may have left the church, but I have not left my faith. So now, people say to me, you cannot give up. Again, I am not giving up. I am letting go. I am tired and no longer have strength. Yesterday at the VA was another reason for me to say, enough is enough. I cannot do this alone anymore. I have tried over the years to see hope and meaning in my life. And for almost 7-8 years, I did. But that is all gone now. There is no more hope and no more meaning to my life. My message and the message of pain us Veterans have to endure on a regular basis is not being heard. It is sad that most Americans think supporting the troops and or Veterans, is about having a homecoming party for them when they get home from a war, or twice a year waving a flag and saying thank you to a Veteran. But there is much more to it than that. Why do you think that 22-23 Veterans a day take their own life? Did you ever stop to think that they too are tired of struggling with the very system who promised to take care of them? Did you ever think they are tired of struggling on this journey alone? Words are cheap. It is easy to say welcome home and thank you, and then not even think about how bad that Veteran is struggling inside knowing that others really do not care as it is not their problem. I hope and pray that none of you are faced with a family member who has to struggle as much as I have over the years as well as many Veterans. I want to say thanks to those who have walked this journey with me when it comes to helping me fight for the health care we were promised and do deserve.
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