My story of psychiatric abuse with drugs - June 28, 2014

In Oct of 1990 I joined the military at the age of 29 in great health physically as well as emotionally. That is not to say I did not have a healthy childhood as I did not. But while I was working full time and going to school full time as well as married to an abusive husband and raising a son at the time, I put myself in counseling and dealt with my childhood abuse issues. As a result of doing that, I worked real hard in the lives of women being abused as well as children in many different areas. My physiologist even wrote a letter that I still have as a part of my military records, that said she thought I would be a great asset to the military. That I had dealt with the trauma of childhood abuse and and was active in helping other. I never once hid the fact that I sought mental health counseling for what happened to me as a child. Take into consideration that at the time I was seeking healing concerning my childhood abuse, I also was married, raising my son, working full time, and going to school full time to finish my printing/graphic arts degree. So with the military's full knowledge that I had sought counseling and with letter from psychologist, I was cleared psychologically as well as physically to go into the military. I did well during training with the exception of one time during basic training when I got a letter informing me that my best friend who was in the Nary had been killed on active duty by a drunk driver. They sent me to a Chaplain with whom I was able to talk through what happened and eventually overcame the emotional shock of losing her. The only other thing was a physical condition that happened while in basic in which I acquired a stress fracture in my right leg I believe. I had a soft cast on for a short time and when it was healed I was able to catch up on the physical fitness of running and other things that I had missed out on. It was not  until I was deployed during Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm, that I had serious issues after being tasked with burial detail as well as being raped by a fellow soldier. I will not get into all the details of that rape, but let's just say the guy got away with it and I was blacked mailed into dropping charges. When I fell off a 5 ton truck while being forced to go to the ER, I acquired what is called Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I also had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of being in the war, dealing with the horrors of war, as well as being raped. I also acquired a radial head fracture in my right elbow which was my ticket out of the Country and back into the States, as I could not get a gas mask on me and it was a liability. My first stop was in Landstuhl Regional Medical Center located in the German State of Rhineland-Pfalz. It was there that they said I had PTSD because of my reactions to things. I eventually made my way back to the States and in time my duty station was changed from the unit I was with to another unit in another State (Fort Devens, Mass)  because of the rape that occurred. Once I started getting counseling for the rape as well as trying to pursue charges against the fellow soldier who raped me, I was treated as the enemy instead of the victim. That is when the start of antidepressants were given to me. Also I was started on seizure medication as I was having mild seizures as a result of my head injury. And this continued for the next 3 1/2 years till I was discharged and then the over medication at the hands of the VA. Below I will list all the medications that I can remember being on. But at one time, I was on 17-19 antidepressants at one time on top of the other medications I was on. In all I was on over 50 pills a day total. It was a wonder I could function let alone that I was still alive. I have had every kind of mental diagnosis you can think of prior to coming to the Knowledge of Yeshua as my savior. (I am Messianic and choose to call YHWH and Yeshua by their given names) I am here to live my life as a testimony of the power of change that faith in them can do to a person's life. If my story is able to help free one person from the bonds of the lies of the enemy, then what I went through is all worth it for the glory of YHWH. If anyone reading this note wants to talk via private message or even call me, I am open to that as well. I want my life to be a reflection of the love, compassion, and mercy of YHWH. I have tried many religions in life and nothing changed my life as living the life I live today by making Yeshua my L-rd and Savior. Thanks for allowing me to share my journey with you all. Shalom, Candy

List of medications I have been on since the Military as far as antidepressants

Prozac

Zyprexa

Fluoxetine

Abilify

Geodon

Haldol

Risperdal

Seroquel

Quetiapine

Stelazine

Zyprexia

Nortriptyline

Celexa

Cymbalta

Duloxetine

Trazodone

Effexor

Efexor XR

Venlafaxine

Elavil

Amitriptyline

Lexapro 

Fluvoxamine

Phenelzine

Pamelor

Paxil 

Doxepin

Wellbutrin

Bupropion

Zyban

Chantix

Zoloft 

Depakote

Divalproex sodium 

Lithium citrate

Neurontin

Gabapentin

Tegretol

Topamax

Topiramate

Ativan

BuSpar

Buspirone

Klonopin

Clonazepam

Valium

Diazepam

Xanax

Aripiprazole

Thorazine

Stelazine

Imipramine

Remeron

Tegretol

Diazepam

Lorazepam

Lyrica

Pregabalin

Celexa
Lexapro

Tramadol

Ultram

Haldol

Now this list does not include all the muscle relaxers I was on, the narcotics I was on, the thyroid medicines I was on, the vitamin B shots I was giving myself as well as a host of inhalers, and diabetic medicine and many other medicines. Right now, I am only on two inhalers, one is a rescue inhaler. I have the feeling that when I move away from Florida I will no longer need those either. I am on oxygen as I cannot deal with sleep apnea machine. I take one narcotic which is Fentanyl patch and last 3 days if it does not come off in the shower (hehe) I also am taking Donepezil for memory issues. I take in the  morning as taking it at night was causing me to sleep walk and sleep eat. Was waking up with food in my bed. Just started taking it in the morning and so far, I am not sleepwalking. But then again, I am too scared to take a nap. Other than that, the rest of what I am taking is all homeopathic and organic. I have changed my diet around to mostly organic foods with exception when I go out once in awhile with friends to a restaurant or have a pizza night with someone......I pray that my testimony of how much YHWH can do in a persons life will be used to his glory.